I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
