i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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