dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
