you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You may now shotgun with the bride
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I need a beard to bite.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
