I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
