Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
