somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
