Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The best revenge is premature balding
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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