Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
