just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
