i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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