very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
