She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
