That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
