Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
