you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
