it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
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