One girl and one boy is just not enough.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
