my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
