ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
and you said cock pushups were impossible
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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