I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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