if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
