p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
