OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
