No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
