Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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