I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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