GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
