If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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