Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
