I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
