when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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