My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
