K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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