just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
