dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
whose parrot is this?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
