There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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