The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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