The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
