If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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