Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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