some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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