Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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