his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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