Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
