I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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