oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
