I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
