I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
