Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
