Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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