I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
