I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
