Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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