I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
