i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So vagazzling was a success
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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