; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
