i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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