Christians are straight up FREAKS
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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